Your drug is a heartbreaker

bmillsis1emo @ 2006-07-27T00:44:00

2006-07-27T04:47:01Z

so i havent updated in a long time ...... and i really dont have much to say about my life right now......
i work a lot .... and after work i get really high..thats it...life is really decent

i havent done this in a while

2005-12-21T20:26:47Z

yo what up!
it has been a loooooooooong time..scince then in october i became a big pill popper.....dropped out of butler and enrolled in jefferson co. high school.
i dated tyler for a month... didnt work out
then dated billy ....i think we love eachother but out relationship is kinda on the rocks right now because of all of the problems in my life...
i have a kitten named cheeba now......she is awesome .. and i love her like a child..i have had her for like 2 and a half months and she is staying at bryans for the time being untill i get an apartment ...........i am staying at shawnas house for a while until get an apartment....i just got the job at shoneys.......thank god..

ohh and i died my hair dark brown and i have my lip peirced now....

gonna stay 18 forever

2005-10-15T02:38:51Z

what up ?
ive come to fill u in about my crazy ass life.

well

im 18 now...yeah..not really ........it didn't make much of a difference......because i dont have an id! and they are like $20 now.....danm it.. oh yeah.......it did make a diffence.......because im fucking kicked out of my house now.

My job at Quiznos is going very shitty! i every once and a while work 1 a week! what the fuck?? it goes shitty right when i fucking need the money... because bad things come in clusters for me!

I am doing HORRIBLe at school.
because i smoke too much weed.....and pop too many ateralls the night before and then i dont get any sleep that night .......but come crashing down miserablly at school. i am retarded......i already couldnt spell.
but now....when i write ..its all mixeed up.. sometimes i'll for get the main letter of a word.....
like for instince see the way horriabe ls spelled....exactly..

Right now im crashing with Tyler, Johnny & Laura. Kurt, and Steave.
i love these guys!

I go out with tyler.
i like him a lot.
but sometimes he is too cocky..
and this is something that i would say to his face.

i got pretty skinny because i never eat.. or im to tired to eat.....or i dont have the appitite to eat....all i do is sleep, and smoke.

Oh yeah the day before my birthday
someone broke into my house.......and threw food everywhere......broke alot of shit... including my bird TURDY BIRDIE's back and leg.
so we took her to the vet with the electricity money.
.... 4hours later and 2 hours before my birthday
the weeek bird flys higher than i have ever seen it flew before.....with a cast on its leg and neck.. into the trees across the street,,,,,,,, i spent all night out there looking for green bird in some green trees at night.......with a petty ass flashlight........crying screaming TURDY BIRDIE where are u?
i was completly devestated...

even though that ruined my birthday
i didnt let it ruin my party
it was awesome
it was at johnnys ........like 50 people....everyone that i really wanted to be there...
a keg.
and kurt got into a bad ass fight.
it was awesome.

but overall i have been pretty depressed.
but there some people that are making it a lot better for me.......im glad there are people that care.
when my own family doesn't

oh my god !

2005-09-07T00:42:49Z

My views have changed so much with in that last month of not writeing n lj!
i am 18 soon....looking for an apartment. I have still been smoke'n weed everyday like always
i am completly over Blair.....but lets check and see in a month...lol
my job is going ok...but i think my manager is trying to get me to quit not because i am not a good worker........because we had a thing ........and i ended it
i am enjoying being single.......sort of.........i am talking to this guy Kevin.....he is a really sweet guy and would do any thing for me but i want to wait on it......yah know.....because i have other things to worry about...rather than limitations that someone is going to put on me

overall
things are going well

And
I am trying to have a big Party for my birthday..........Sat 9/24
so ill get back to you on that

is n e one going to lrs fest??

bmillsis1emo @ 2005-08-10T17:54:00

2005-08-10T22:03:11Z

heyyyyyyy
yeah i went to wisconsin........... & i am back.........ive been back for like 2 or 3 weeks.
i have been really bored lately...........
i smoke too much weed ........& cigs it feels like my lungs are bleeding.....and are full of smoke.
i like my schedule this year at school..........
Blairs in my 2nd p...........im hopeing me and blair will get back together....

the new me

2005-07-13T22:33:27Z

yeah...............I stuck my foot right in my mouth.........alex is an asswhole.and i hate him...
i have a job now..... @ Quiznos on 3rd street across from the cardinal stadium
and i died my hair dark brown.
i have changed a lot.
im not really lonelly........i have been hanging out w/ scott franke.....meghan .....matt...shawna...eric...and i met this guy jeremy from wisconsin..and he is going to fly me down next week myb??
but..
meghan and i are starting a all girl band called
~~THE MINI-VAN HIT LIST~~
there are already 2 guitarist..we are looking for a bassist....keyboardist....and drummer..but we already know some peps so..its going good

back home ...do'n great, got' a JOB! hell yeah

2005-06-23T21:57:37Z

whats up.........me and alex are still doing great......he always acts like he cares...........we spend alot of time together......hes perfect........i got the job at quiznos i start monday.........i work at the one at the new krogers on 3rd street...... and i came back home........about 2 weeks ago.....my dad wasnt pissed at all.....i am going to the mfh show tommarrow.........can't wait...... well i am going to go do the dishes at blairs so talk to yah l8er

love
brittainy

alex

2005-06-06T04:23:54Z

i go out w. alex now he is so awesome........perfect.....everything i have ever thought about wanting in a guy.....he's not a smart ass..hes hot..and he would do anything for me drop anything......and he really likes me ......so finally i found someone on the same page.........i have ran away for a week now....ive stayed w. alex....but i think im going home tommarrow......b/c his parents found out that i wasn't 18.......so yeah but only 4 more months...and i think im moveing in w. alex........im going to hate going home,,,,,,,,,it sounded like my dad didn't even care when i called..he kinda blew me off like i wasn;t on the phone lol................I CANT WAIT TILL SEPT 24!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i ran away

2005-06-01T06:33:26Z

omg so much too tell in so little time.....well i ran away.......been high ever day.......every day is FUCKING CRAZZY more details latter....la ya

biotches

2005-05-20T00:34:56Z

omg there is so many shows w/ the next week..........and i want to fucking go to all of them...fo sho ill be at the nghs on sunday....n e one else....britt shawna???amber?
oh yeah im failing algebra...GREAT.

RING DANCE

2005-05-15T16:37:24Z

what up.? i go my class ring! its so awesome...............my ring dance was last night i had a blast my date was Spencer....i went w. meghan.. i would have had a better time if the would have played the banana song.....................................the night before i went to doss's ...it sucked. only because i was worried about my prom.now that my ring dance is over i dont know what to look forward to anymore............i am so tired...yet i feel like doing something...like drinking,,the after partys wasn't that great..........but i managed to bring home something to drink.................................................so i might get drunk todayyyyyyyy.......

swingset

2005-05-09T20:04:05Z

hey what up this weekend has been the best ever....friday i went to the pocket bomb show met some new friends...then aferwards i went to a party and got really drunk ..man it was a crazy pary ..everyone was makeing out w. everyone...girls on girls guys w. guys w girls...yeah it was a crazy party...........
Sat,...i got high then went to this party w. jason and josh ..we picked up shawna............i was so high i couldnt move........
sunday...........................................i fell in love
it was the MY EPIPHANY show....it was awesome...i hung out w. SWINGSET..the whole night.......he is the sweetest guy ever.,...he said he would come back to louisville to hang..when he was off tour..
and i cant get him and his voice out of my head.

bmillsis1emo @ 2005-05-01T12:54:00

2005-05-01T17:14:27Z

well this weekend has been crazy.............thursday i hung out w. scott franke we went and saw constantine..it was good but it pretty much consisted of mr. K reaves lighting up a ciggerette every 5 mins lol...then we went to squeeks house and watched the grudge..it was fun...friday i hung out w. dylan prott.. moe..and! FIFEY...!........we went to moes watched a movie then went to this crazy ass wairhouse and there was a bunch of gothic people geting hooks peirced in their backs to be suspended on chains and just swing around ! yup that was crazy.....i thought that kinda stuff only happened in new york or summin......i still cant believe i witnessed that....................................it was definatly something new to me.....but overall that night was awesome.......... Sat.i chiled shawna to help her get ready for prom.then i hung out......................... w. ak ....................then i hung out w. justen utsea......i got high..and my headach was gone....i asked him to ring dance....i don't know if he will go or not.........but i want to go w. someone fun...gordgeos....yah know someone to show of like an accessory............i woke up early today thinkin about ring dance......i think blairs dad is taking me shopping today..............YE>AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAA lol....well talk to yah later bitches

bmillsis1emo @ 2005-04-28T17:15:00

2005-04-28T21:22:51Z

whas up i havent up dated in a while ........i am in a rush so .......last weekend was crazy..all of my community service is done yes! i am going to fucking party tonight. who wants to chill??????????????????????????????/lol..bye

no fucking subject!

2005-04-19T00:00:11Z

hey whats up...nothing new....i want to go to ring dance so bad ...but i have no $ that sucks ... i went to the show sat.at douglas christian....it was ok...well thats all i have to say..
love brit

Dear Annoymous, I hate your stinking guts i hope you get into a car crash and rot in hell

2005-04-12T19:09:32Z

hey what up ...........i am so fucking pissed about a lot of shit........first off i have to do community service by i think the 25th and i cant find my paper that says when i have to get it turned in to court.....2nd off i am really slippin i school....and this fucker that keeps leaving annoymous comments.......fuck you whoever it was........seriously.........get a life......and i hope you die........
your fucking comments mean nothing to me ............so fuck you

love,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,the zombies are gone now!!!!!!!!did i do something right?

2005-04-08T18:51:28Z

okay ...........i have to admit..i am completelty stoned..........and i don't know what the fuck im doing today now or ever................theres shows tonight! i am in love still ............the date w/ blair made me miss him..........when i went home i was so depressed....................oaarrrrrrrrrfffffffffgggggggggg why?hes a meany..i mean sometimes he is sooo sweeeet...i lovehim so..but to him things get old......i am starved things never get old
/..........wha????okayyyyyyyyy........last night i had a dream that zombies were chaseing me......i was terrified........but you know in dreams there is never really away to get rid of the problem.....like get rid of the zombies......well in this dream i found a way to get rid of them...it is: so if your being chased by a zombie you have to trick them into coming after you and when you do that twice they will poof into a little cloud.......lol......yup i think that means that i am conquering something that was a big problem to me..hmmmmmm....i think i know what it is.....do u ?

hot peanut butter no jam...
banana smoothie w/ no bananas
sorry

bmmsdjkjisd
BM

my hair cut!

2005-04-06T21:16:53Z

hey peps i got my hair cut! i love it ..its kinda short tho..like to my sholders...its starting a new more adult chapter in my life..i am going to the movies tonight w/ blair ...this should be very interesting...earlier i hung out w/ justin and darko...justin was out of it b/c of the medine he took lol........he was driving like a maniac and talking about llamas and geese..lol.....well gotta go
love yah

britt

i saw his face staring into mine there was not a trace of love cast by design so dont leave me here

2005-04-06T00:40:33Z

i haven't updated in a while.........im so bored..i just bought the new el toro cd @ earxtacy its awesome...buy it!

Nothing much has happened i have been writing songs like crazy tho..and they arent that bad either...
sometimes out of nowhere i start to really miss Blair...I haven't talked to him that much..i saw him today tho.. b/c i went to the liabrary..his dad wants us to go to the movies together tommarrow...i wonder how that will turn out..i really miss being in love and always having someone beside me...but i also like doing whatever the fuck i want tooo..but scince the big breakup..i have been inspired to write songs and i think i have become more stonger more of my ownself insted of the blair obsessed brittainy....overall i love blair..but i don't really miss being w' him.........

well thats all for now

i love you!!!

Brittainy

mommy... where are you?

2005-03-28T19:59:30Z

omg...I am soooo glad i am not grounded any more!....last weekend was ok...hmmm.today we had a new bus driver..and she had eyes exactly like my moms...for a minute i thought it was my mom...but it wasn't..you have no idea how much that broke my heart..it made me miss her..I haven't seen her scince 8th grade..I wanted to cry...

grounded

2005-03-21T19:56:12Z

well...this weekend sucked...i got grounded thursday..for staying out till..11..cant wait till next weekend!

even blonder!

2005-03-17T19:57:33Z

hey............i died my hair even blonder last night! i like it..today has been an okay day...its pretty nice outside..awesome..I was supposed to stay after for a makeup chemistry lab but i didn't b/c i would have had to wait until 5:30 to get a ride home! that sucks so now i am failing chemistry...oh well..i want to have fun today....i am tired of staying at home..

"HUMAINED WORM" cheesy..horror/ comedy....by Butler art students NOT PORN

2005-03-16T20:31:45Z

today wasn't that bad...i sleept for a while after school..then i hung out w/chris..

SO my friends and i in Art class..are making a movie about how earth worm jim has sex w/ this girl on top of a washing machine (but umm its not like porn or any thing) and gets her pregnent..and so she give birth to a evil worm... that goes around eating people's faces off...I know its stupid...I think that the rubber sement glue got to us ... b/c at the time it was soooooooo...funny...now that i think about it it really isn't that funny...but yeah...thats enough for now....

"Beware of the Ides of March"

2005-03-15T20:03:00Z

Hey peps ...today has been so far a shitty day...I went to bed w/ my maskara on and now my eye is kinda swolen....and i was late to school ...FOR THE THIRD TIME IN A ROW..now i got 3 hours of detention..GREAT..Today i have to finish my print thing at home...my plan is to glue cardboard people on plexy glass stuff and use change: 1 quarter, 1 dime, 1 nickel, and 1 penny to make the look of the presidents playing in a band...Its kinda supposed to represent my friends band "Cross-haired youth...b/c of the trumpet player that i am making..& the drummer w/ the bow tie lol..

I am so tired today.

well thats all bye

this is what living like this does..

2005-03-14T20:21:26Z

yeah lately everything is starting to hit me..all of my emotional weeknesses that i can't control..Im so stupid..when it comes to this sort of stuff...sometimes i just don't think..and when i do think ...i am thinking no Brittainy don't do this...its wrong...nothing good will come out of this..but i don't say no...thats my problem i can't say no...like the thing w/ getting high w/ strangers..I think that if i had a mother figure that things would be different...but my mom is a crack hoe...i have no one to really look up to except for Shawna...she really tells it like it is...even if it does make you want to kill yourself..i love shawna..she is a great friend...I guess she is my role model.but i feel lonely ...i really miss having someone that LOVED me, insted of just liking me..but what i really need is to stop wanting to go out every day..and be alone to figure out what the fuck i am doing. what my motivation is for living...and how to get out of this situation of regret. and if you know what im talking about dont say it plezz.

Thursday: i went to The JAZZ FACTORY
FRIDAY: I hung out w/ Scott Franke
SaT: I went to mike s, then spent the night W/ shawna
Sunday: shawna and i took pictures lol..then i hung out w/ justin
Today is pie day...lol

well gotta go'
bmills